What Are You Afraid Of?

When you’re a mom, you get really comfortable helping your kids deal with their fears. Because fears that are real (like a fear of falling off their bike) and fears that are imagined (like a fear of the dark) are a frequent, if not daily, part of their lives. And because they’re kids, we view their fears as completely normal and patiently teach them how to handle them.

 

But when it comes to our own fears, we’re not as good at facing them or as compassionate with ourselves for having them in the first place. We’re more likely to avoid our fears or resist them or run from them. We’re more likely to judge ourselves for having fears instead of acknowledging that they’re a normal part of adulthood too.

 

We do this because fear makes us feel uncomfortable and uncertain. It introduces doubt into our lives. It takes us to a place where we are vulnerable – and we all know that vulnerability doesn’t feel very good.

 

This is especially true in the context of pursuing your purpose outside of motherhood. Because when you start exploring your purpose, fear will inevitably come up. Fears like…

 

Your family life will fall apart if you aren’t 100 percent focused on raising your kids and running your household.

 

You won’t be able to handle the stress of adding something else to your plate.

 

You aren’t good enough or smart enough or strong enough to be more than a mom.

 

No matter how hard you work or how much you do to pursue your purpose, the goals you have for yourself will always be out of reach.

 

A life that would allow you to be a mom and a woman doing her work in the world doesn’t actually exist.

 

It’s incredibly likely that your first instinct will be to resist your fears or ignore them entirely. But if you want to work toward your goals and find fulfillment outside of motherhood, you have to move toward them.  

 

To do that, you have to be willing to do the things that your mind is telling you you’re too afraid to do. Think about it this way. When you’re teaching your kid to ride a bike for the first time, they are likely afraid of falling. So you tell them they have two choices: you'll teach them to deal with the fear or you can keep their training wheels on forever.

 

If they accept your help, you'll offer them support to make their fears feel less frightening. (Like maybe you'll hold on to the back of their bike while they learn to ride.) You encourage them to talk about their fears so they don’t feel so alone. You help them practice living with fear whenever they climb onto the bike. And then, one day, their fear disappears and they’re flying down the street on their own.

 

If you want to make changes in your life, you have to do the same thing. So this week, I want you to identify one area of your life where fear is getting in the way. Make a list of the fears you have in that area and then commit to taking one action each day – however big or small –  that will push you to do the things your mind says you’re afraid of.

 

Because when you do that, you practice becoming someone who is willing to move toward your fears. You learn to trust yourself and prove that you can handle fear and work through it. And when you’ve mastered that skill, fear stops running the show.

 

To believing your time is now,

Ashley

 

P.S. Uncovering fears – and learning how to get past them – is a BIG part of the work We do in my 6 week program, Bold Mom, Balanced Life. If fear is holding you back from pursing your purpose and reaching your goals, I invite you to check out the program here or Talk with Me About It On a Free Coaching Call.