If I counted the number of times my daughters asked me for help each day, it would easily cross into the triple digits. At their young ages, they need a hand with everything from brushing their teeth to reading stories to putting on pants. And I willingly step in to offer assistance because this is what motherhood is all about.
And yet, whenever they ask for help, I find myself observing their requests with absolute curiosity because they have such an easy time doing it. They don’t hesitate to ask for help with little things or big problems. They don’t get embarrassed about it. And they don’t worry about what I think of them because they need help.
I think there's a lesson to be learned there.
Like many moms, I have spent years trying to do it all myself. I believed I could and should be able to raise my daughters, take care of the house, take care of myself and tend to my business without anyone’s support. Even when doing it all left me feeling depleted, I kept at it because I felt like I had something to prove.
The question was What was I trying to prove?
When someone (ok, my husband) finally asked me what I stood to gain by doing it all myself, I started to see how foolish I was being. Because trying to DO IT ALL myself wasn’t getting me anything or anywhere. In fact, my inability to ask for help (or receive it when it was offered) was actually a liability. This skill I thought was so important was leaving me feeling burnt out, resentful and overwhelmed in my life as a mom and in my life as a business owner too.
So the question I had to ask myself next was WHY? Why was I trying to get by without any help from anyone else?
When I asked myself that deeper question, here’s what I learned: I had decided that there was something wrong with me if I couldn’t do it all. And I had decided I was deeply flawed and doomed to fail if I couldn’t manage my life all on my own.
As you can imagine, it was pretty eye opening to uncover these limiting beliefs. But what was even more important was that I also realized I had a choice going forward.
And if you have trouble asking for help or accepting it when it’s offered, You have a choice to make too.
You can continue to try and do everything yourself and face the overwhelm that follows. But you should only continue down that path if you’re willing to accept the costs of doing so. Because you can’t do it all AND have the time and space and support you need to do meaningful work in this world AND live a balanced life as a mom and individual too.
But if you can start practicing asking for and receiving help, right now, a bold and balanced life is absolutely within your reach.
This skill takes practice so I’m going to give you your first chance to test yourself right now. Just email me at firstname.lastname@example.org (or leave a comment below) and tell me one thing that you feel like you need help with. I’ll respond to every request personally and send along a resource to help you as well because I believe you need to see what it looks like and feels like to have the support you deserve.
To believing your time is now,
P.S. Moms are learning how to ask for help daily in my FREE Facebook community, Your Bold Balanced Life – and they’re proving why this is such an important skill to have. (And of course we do SO much more within the group to help you find ways to pursue your dreams without sacrificing your time with your family or your own self care.) Will you join us?